He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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