So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
