I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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