and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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