I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The air was thick with penises
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
