So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You made out with two different species that night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
