I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
