You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
