last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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