"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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