so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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