If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
