The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize