I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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