Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
