8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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