I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
