Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
