lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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