Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
