Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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