thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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