He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
