Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
