We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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