It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
