theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
