he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize