apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
