I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
