Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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