She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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