3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
