another moral hangover. fuck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
