It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is Oprah even human
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
