WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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