I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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