my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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