Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
