You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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