She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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