This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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