well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
