Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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