I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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