Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
