we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize