i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
