Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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