meet me or not, i'm out of control
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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