He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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