i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
