I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
