Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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