One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
