New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
