woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
