some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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