We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I smell stomach acid.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
