Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
