First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
