I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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