I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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