you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.