just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just gargled with NyQuil
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far