I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.