Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
