Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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