There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
